The Safe Library - Service, Safety, & Security with Dr. Steve Albrecht

By Dr. Steve Albrecht

As a longtime HR trainer (uh, that would be me) once said in a daylong team-building training program, “When it comes to your bosses or your co-workers, you don’t have to love everyone you work with. You don’t have to like everyone you work with. We aren’t asking you to socialize after work with anyone you work with. We are asking you to get along, to tolerate each other, in the time and space we provide here. Our customers expect it, our organizational leaders expect it, and you should expect and demonstrate cooperative, supportive treatment by and from each other.”

This is, of course, easy to say and hard to do. For many reasons, personalities collide in the workplace and people can grow to despise each other. In my experience, this most often occurs in two distinct ways. It can start from the get-go, where two employees take an instant dislike to each other on Day One and it never gets any better. Or, more likely and more common, it builds and builds over time, as each employee shows various eccentricities, quirks, and work or personal habits that irritate the other to the point of frustration.

Also, in my experience, one or both of these employees lack the empathy, patience, maturity, social skills, and most importantly, don’t have the Social Intelligence to get along successfully, even when others around them can overlook the Little Things and work together until quitting time.

Social Intelligence is our collective ability, as collaborative citizens and cooperative employees, to read the room and say or do the right thing in that room (or public space) when engaged with other people. Not saying and not doing the wrong thing are definitely more important than keeping quiet on either. Too many people lack this skill and blurt out things they instantly regret--or regret too much later to do anything other than apologize (which they either don’t do or also aren’t very good at doing).

Since we all have various irritants (again, except me) most employees can overlook them when displayed irregularly or even regularly by their co-workers. But some just cannot--or not without help, encouragement, or commands from their bosses--no matter how much they try. Whether it’s an instant dislike or it festers over time, two employees not getting along in public workspaces is bad for business. What I most often see in these situations is not so much open hostility but the more common “silent treatment,” where the employees will just not engage with each other, ever, beyond saying, “Good morning” and “Good night” and even that is a struggle for them to say with any sincerity.

In the Library World, guess what? Our patrons don’t care if we get along as co-workers or not. They don’t care if there are bad feelings between employees. They just want to come to the library and be served professionally, get the information or help they are looking for, and go home. It is up to each library employee to say or do the right things to get along, both in front of the patrons (who don’t want to see us air our dirty laundry on the floor) and just as important, behind the staff doors as well.

It’s not enough for bosses to ask two warring employees to cooperate and collaborate; there has to be a method used that clears the air first. Below is a process a supervisor or manager can follow when there are two employees who can’t or won’t get along. Bosses need to follow these steps as closely as they can, in order to get real and lasting results. You’ll note this will take several meetings with each employee to be able to identify and iron out their differences. This is not a one and done approach; it takes effort on the part of all three of you.

1. Meet with the Employee #1 alone. Ask what Employee #2 does to make it hard to get along, communicate, interact, or to work together. Get specific answers, using examples. Don’t let the employee rely on name-calling, labels, non-specific examples, or sweeping generalizations (“She always. . .” or “He never. . .”) about the other employee to make his or her point.
2. Ask what he or she is willing to do differently to get along with Employee #2.
3. Bring up the idea of using Ground Rules, which are mutually-created, mutually-agreed-upon do’s and don’ts for both employees. Ask Employee #1 to have some examples of useful Ground Rules ready for your next meeting. (Ground Rules are simple, declarative steps both sides agree to, that will guide their future interactions. Examples: “Return my emails or voice mail messages within 24 hours.” “Don’t put me down in front of patrons.” “Explain the reason why the patron needs help, instead of just dumping him or her on me and walking away.” “Come back from your breaks and lunches on time, so I can take mine.” “Stop criticizing my new ideas in our staff meetings.” “Don’t undermine me in front of our boss.” If they can’t think of any because of the stress of the moment, you’ll need to provide some examples. Be ready to do so.)
4. Meet with Employee #2 alone. Ask what Employee #1 does to make it hard to get along and work together. Get specific examples.
5. Ask what he or she is willing to do differently to get along with Employee #1.
6. Mention what Employee #1 said he or she was willing to do to get along more effectively and then gauge the reactions of Employee #2. Introduce the idea of the need for Ground Rules between the two and ask Employee #2 to have some examples ready by your next meeting.
7. Meet a second time with Employee #1 and reaffirm the value and validity of the Ground Rules he or she had suggested will help.
8. Meet a second time with Employee #2 to go over his or her Ground Rules. Explain the Ground Rules offered by Employee #1.
9. Discuss with Employee #1 and Employee #2 whether they need a final closure meeting, facilitated by you. If so, get them to review the Ground Rules with each other, talking face to face, not just speaking to you. If no final group meeting seems needed, ask for their immediate compliance with the agreed-upon Ground Rules.

This approach uses a guided process designed to keep both employees in their respective comfort zones. Your function is to walk them through a set of problem-identification and problem-solving discussions, to keep them focused on potential solutions - Ground Rules - you can all agree upon. Continue to monitor their ongoing compliance and remind them of their Ground Rules if you see them start to slip back into their former non-cooperative ways.